SoontobeHOTMama

So my husband and I are HUGE fans of the Biggest Loser (no pun intended) and we were watching it earlier today and while it was buffering my son looks at one of the girls on the scale while it was paused and goes “mama! mama!” I’ve slacked off since my last post on here.  I’ve stopped counting my calories and I’ve stopped exercising and I gained back the 2 pounds that I lost as well as an additional 2 pounds.  I don’t even know where it came from.  Part of why I stopped exercising and watching my calories is the fact that my husband and I are desperately wanting to have another child and every time that time of the month starts to come around, I tend to slack off ‘just in case,’ ya know? And every time I do this, I gain 2 pounds. Part of the problem is that with my thyroid disorder, my hormones are already completely whacked out and a lot of times the symptoms of my period are nearly identical with the symptoms of a pregnancy.  The cramps, the fatigue, the nausea, the cravings, etc.  And along with that, it is late about 75% of the time since I was diagnosed with having a thyroid disorder.  So all of this together makes me stop exercising.  So I’ve decided that if I’m not pregnant this month (which I probably won’t be) then even though I desperately want to get pregnant again, I will go on the pill so that I can have the time to get down to the weight I should be at in order to be healthy and to be able to conceive without the stress of “am i pregnant?” I have a treadmill in my living room, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be using it, so once again, I’m breaking out the treadmill.  Also, my husband wants to try the Japanese Diet so we’re going to be attempting this one. I don’t want my son to look at other big women and say “look mama, that looks like you!” It was the wake-up call that I needed.  Hopefully I’ll stick to it.

So today my  husband and I were going through things for a garage sale we’re having and my husband found a box of clothes that I wore before my pregnancy and before he and I met.  (We met when I was 4 months pregnant with my son) Well he holds them up, looks at me and was like, “this was you?  You used to be able to wear those?”  Ugh!  I know he didn’t mean to upset me by it and I’m not mad at him but it was one of those ‘who are you kidding? you’ll never be high school skinny again!’ moments.  It made me realize what I’ve done to myself.  I mean, I know I got fat, but looking at my old clothes made me realize that the way I am now is almost twice the size that I was then.  It’s just discouraging and right now I’m starting to think that maybe I won’t be able to do it.  Maybe I won’t be able to lose this weight and I’ll just be stuck as a fat girl forever.  On my wrist I have written “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips” to try to remind me so when I reach for those fries or fried zucchini or pizza what that moment of pleasure will do to me.  I am a fast food addict and this is one addiction I haven’t been able to conquer.  I conquered my addiction to chocolate, caffeine, and cigarettes….so why can’t I conquer this one?  Sorry this post is whiny….I’m just feeling down about my weight today.

So after posting my challenge and saying “Absolutely NO FAST FOOD. PERIOD.”  I went and had fast food.  But I told myself it wasn’t REALLY fast food because it was a sub sandwich from Eegee’s but of course I can’t get a sandwich from Eegee’s without getting the Ranch fries and of course if i was going to get the Ranch fries I had to get the jungle juice eegee slush.  *sigh* All in all, after last night’s little craving that I gave in to, I gained back one of the 2 pounds I’d lost.  But, I’m not going to beat myself up about it because it still means that I’m 1 pound lighter than I was when I started this last week so there’s no point in getting upset over 1 pound.  I’m just disappointed that I wasn’t able to resist the allure of Eegee’s :(  But today is another day and I intend on getting BACK ON TRACK and sticking to my caloric goal :)  Hopefully there won’t be too many of these slips…

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1.03.01

I have decided to give myself a challenge.  In 106 days, it will be an anniversary for my husband and I.  We are going to be celebrating and I would love to be about where I was when I first gave birth to my son + 10 pounds at that time.  It will be super hard, and I’m aware of that.  And if I don’t make it, then no big deal, I’ll just keep on trying.  But at least I can try!  I have 15 weeks to lose 35 pounds which equals out to be about 2.3 pounds a week.

Plan of action:

No more than 1400 calories a day.  (shouldn’t be too hard…I do that already now)

Work out at least 1 hour a day

Do at least 35 crunches a day

NO FAST FOOD.  PERIOD.

wish me luck!

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1.03.01

I cannot believe that I have finally found something that is working for me, and it happens to be this site.  Writing everything down everyday and keeping a blog has really been making me more conscientious about what I’m eating.  I don’t want to have to come on here and say that I slipped up everyday.  I think perhaps I thought I was doing worse than I was.  Granted, I’ve only lost 2 pounds but every pound is huge to me.  Having the weight tracker really is keeping me motivated because I want to watch the ticker go down to my goal!  I am so glad that I found this website and I’m thankful to anyone who reads this because it really does motivate me to do my best.

So yesterday I snacked like ALL day long.  And I know…it’s a bad thing to do.  But it was Labor Day and the food was so/so.  I did manage to avoid eating the 17 g of fat hamburger and went for the 12 g of fat hot dog instead.  And I discovered an awesome new snack food for me.  I absolutely LOVE Carl’s Jr’s fried zucchini but I’ve discovered that if you take a zucchini and cut it into slices and sprinkle them with salt and pepper and put them on the grill they taste AWESOME.  My aunt brushed hers with olive oil but my mom and tried them without anything on them and we personally think it tastes better without the olive oil.  So I wound up eating almost an entire zucchini like that and then I had a few brownies and a piece of sugar free chocolate cake and a couple plum tarts and then later that night the late night munchies hit and my hubby went to McDonald’s so I slipped and had some McDonald’s.  I am so lucky that I didn’t GAIN any weight from it.  I just stayed steady.  But today I am doing absolutely awesomely, if I do say so myself.  I had corn flakes and fruit for breakfast and then I had a salad for lunch.  I did have a piece of German chocolate but it was only one square and I’m telling myself right now that that is all I need because I am seriously jonesing for another piece.  Oh and FYI the new Pretzel M&Ms only have 150 calories and 5 g of fat so they’re an awesome snack for when you absolutely HAVE to have some chocolate.  And i did the Wii Fit Advanced Step and yoga/strength training for an hour this morning.  So I feel really good and i am determined to not get that “starving” feeling and slip up and have a binge because I am awesome at binging and i really don’t want to do it anymore.

I am a mexican food junkie.  It is my biggest weakness.  Even more so than McDonald’s.  I just had my last meal from my favorite fast mexican food place.  And of course I ate waaaaaaaaay too much.  But I told myself, hey, it’s my last time (I had my last “Last time” about 2 weeks ago) so when my hubby suggested it, it didn’t take me very long to think about it.  I keep imagining a rubber band around my wrist and I pretend to snap it so I can reinforce the idea that anything that has all that greasy food is BAD.  But I told myself that maybe it won’t hurt because i had been fasting for 2 meals.  I know it doesn’t work that way, but hey, a girl can dream, right?  Tomorrow we’re having a BBQ because it’s Labor Day so i’m hoping that I will have the strength to not overindulge on the junk.  Doesn’t help that my family from Germany is in town and they brought the usual assortment of german chocolate and gummy bears. I don’t know if anyone else has any idea how good it is, but I am trying to figure out just how in the world I can POSSIBLY only eat ONE square a day to keep with my calorie goals.  Why is this so hard?

So today is only my 2nd day back on the wagon and of course, it’s the day that I travel with my family to visit other relatives.  So of course there’s fast food which I tried to get the smallest thing possible so that I don’t totally fill my body with poison and then other foods filled with sodium.  I think that I may have sort of done okay, but of course I won’t know until next Friday when I do my weekly weigh in. However, no cravings for McD’s today so that is definitely a step in the right direction!  I keep telling myself, mind over matter!  I don’t need the junk, no matter how good it may taste.  Also, while doing my biology homework, I discovered that Trans Fat = EVIL.  I already knew they were bad, but I never knew that they were like, destructive!  So now my new goal is to not eat anything with Trans Fats.  Our bodies need small amounts of Saturated Fat, but I am going to try to keep that under 5 grams.  Sometimes I want to blame this whole mess on having hypothyroidism and while that may play a role in it and because I have it I may  never get down to my ideal weight, I know that the bulk of the responsibility lies on my shoulders.  Nobody FORCED me to eat those french fries.  It was a conscientious choice from a weak will power!  But I am determined once and for all NOT to fail….no matter how hard it may be.

I hate looking in the mirror and realizing that I’m only 22 and I’ve lost my looks.  I hate looking in the mirror and seeing the fat on my face.  I have always been overweight but it was never more than 25-30 pounds over my ideal weight.  And then I got pregnant.  And then I met my husband.  I was living on my own when I met my husband and I can admit, I was struggling with affording enough food to support myself and my unborn child.  He was a manager at McDonald’s and so the fast food addiction began.  During my pregnancy I gained 40 pounds.  Which isn’t all that abnormal.  I had meant to start working out again right away but I was informed that since I was breastfeeding my son, the weight should just come right off.  Well…it didn’t.  Turns out that I had hypothyroidism, although I didn’t find that out until over a year after my son was born and months and months of exercising and watching the numbers on the scale go up.  Eventually I just gave up on the exercising and decided that it didn’t matter what I did because I was just going to get heavier and heavier.  I ate whatever I want and quit watching what I ate.  And now my health has come into play.  I want to grow old with my husband and be around to see my grandchild.  I’ve come to the realization that I am slowly killing myself.  And so this is my last resort.  Maybe if I can talk about it and actually have to conscientiously think about the food I am eating, the weight will finally start to come off.  Then maybe my husband and I will be able to conceive again.  So…here we go!